Buddha said all life is suffering. I think he’s right. He also said there’s a way out. I think he’s right about that, too. I experienced this in my mid 20’s. I had, what zen buddhists call, a kensho experience. This is when you have a glimpse into your true nature or have complete oneness with the present moment.
I remember the experience as if it happened yesterday. I was sitting in my truck overwhelmed and exhausted from my real estate business. I was deep in debt, unhealthy, and had poor quality relationships. The stream of thoughts and constant worrying never ended. I finally gave up and mentally yelled, “STOP!” At that moment, everything was clear. The veil of thought lifted and I saw things as they truly were. It was a beautiful experience. I was completely present.
In that moment, my life changed in the blink of an eye. What followed was a massive deconstruction period that went on for years. I pretty much nuked my life. I closed my real estate business. I left behind my circle of friends and unhealthy relationships. I moved from Pittsburgh, PA to Hudson, NH. And eventually I filed for bankruptcy.
My attention turned to developing this new relationship with the present moment. The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle, helped deepen my relationship with presence and my true nature. I got into zen Buddhism and meditation. I also practiced other forms of meditation, such as hojo kata, calligraphy, and Big Mind voice dialogue. These practices are very much part of my life today.
During this time period, my life went from stuck to unstuck. The stuck part of my life was like a broken down and seized oxen cart wheel. The cart went nowhere and in circles. Buddha called this state of being dukka or suffering. When I had my kensho experience, and deepened my relationship with the present moment, the wheel became unstuck and could move freely. Buddha called this state sukka or nirvana.
Most of us are trying to get to this unstuck place, like it’s some moment in time where life will be perfect. To get there, we pursue paths like personal development, meditation, and devotion to God. I think this is an essential step to our growth and development, but it can’t be the last step.
Being unstuck is just another place of stuckness. If you want that oxen cart to go anywhere, the wheel needs to contact the ground but at the same time not contact the ground. If you observe closely, the wheel is in a constant state of stuck, unstuck, stuck, and unstuck. In other words, the wheel is sticky.
Real life is sticky. One day bad shit happens, and the next day good shit happens. The key is to not stick to either. You’re not stuck in worry, fear, or other dysfunctional behaviors, and you’re not stuck in the delusion of complete emptiness or nirvana. You stick here, then stick there, and then stick back over here. You are in a constant state of motion but with no stuck energy.
The starting point is realizing that you’re experiencing the world through a veil of thought. This veil is your preconceived thoughts, ideas, and beliefs as to what your life is and how it should be. The problem is that the veil keeps you stuck in the past or stuck craving a new future. So you rarely enjoy life as it is. To get unstuck, you need to lift this veil and look upon the world as if it’s your first time. You don’t stick to the past and you don’t stick to the future, life becomes a series of unfolding moments that you roll with. Honestly, you really don’t have a choice. Life is going to do what it does. The only choice you have is am I going to stay stuck with life’s choices or am I going to get sticky.
Sticky means you’re not stuck on the trajectory of suffering anymore. You realize there are two sides to the coin and you’re living both. Life is one damn thing after another but at the same time it’s not. You’re not one, but you’re also not two. Interestingly, the sticky approach to life opens up a wide range of new possibilities. You can choose different paths and life directions. You can choose which emotions are the most appropriate according to the situation. You can even not take yourself so damn seriously anymore. Ain’t that a relief!
In my opinion, Buddha’s eightfold path is designed to help us become sticky. Within this stickiness, we find freedom and full functioning. We will never achieve or arrive at this place of stickiness because that would be stuck energy. But if you continue to lift that veil of thought, and cultivate a relationship with the present moment, you can experience freedom on a regular basis no matter what muck you’re in.
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